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Read Next That is, there wasn't until a cadre of supervillains (ahem, 'researchers') from Georgia Tech decided to create a program that turns your innocent-looking smartphone into a nosy little asshole that sits there. Passwords, email messages, IMVU sex chats -- your phone could be eavesdropping on all of it. You might suspect that some kind of camera or microphone hack is at play here, but the real modus operandi is even sneakier: As you clack away on the keyboard, your phone's accelerometer can pick up the tiny impacts resounding through your desk and, based on the distance of the keys from the phone, mathemagically deduce which keys you're stroking. Comstock Images/Comstock/Getty Images 'P-O-R-N-H-U-B.'

Phones with motion sensitivity on the level of an iPhone 4 can guess what you're typing with up to 80 percent accuracy. And this clever bit of spyware can easily Trojan horse its way onto your phone as part of an otherwise trustworthy-looking app, since it doesn't arouse your tinfoil-hat suspicions by asking for permission to use your camera or microphone. The humble tilt sensor is rarely protected against privacy intrusions, because who would ever have guessed that the little gizmo that flips your screen over when you turn your phone sideways could also be used as a goddamn drunken Facebook status update interceptor? Of course, the algorithm for figuring out what you're typing based on tiny desk tremors is mind-bogglingly complicated, and the whole system is easily defeated.

Just not setting your phone next to your keyboard, so the chances of such an attack by your local garden-variety hacker are low. Blackbox Windows. But since we already know that the government is trying to listen in on us at all times, we're typing up this article with a phone next to the keyboard just to let them know that we know. Martin Poole/Stockbyte/Getty Images It's called subtlety, guys. By this point, you might be ready to chuck your smartphone out the nearest window and go back to living without one like folks did in the Stone Age (the '90s were the Stone Age, right?).

The only problem with that strategy is that every smartphone out there is a potential threat to you whether you own one or not. For example, did you know that any old Joe Android can brush against you in a grocery store and remotely steal the data right off your credit card with his phone? And that once that information is on his phone, he can wave it at a register and pick up $300 worth of Slim Jims and Mountain Dew on your tab? Don't worry, not all of your cards are vulnerable. But if you're one of the millions of people carrying a futuristic 'contactless' card -- the kind you just wave in front of a terminal to pay for stuff, such as American Express' ExpressPay -- then you'd better keep that fucker in a lead-lined wallet because, as you may have already realized, they're designed to have their radio chips scanned from inches away. Comstock Images/Comstock/Getty Images Anniversary provided by 'Some Dude.'